From the beginning of our lives, we strive to become independent, the sooner the better.
Remember when we were kids? People in their 30s were OLD. I remember myself thinking „When I`m 30 I will live in a beautiful house, be married to a handsome and rich guy and have kids!“
HAHA. How about living with my grandpa instead.
You are EXPECTED.
Expected to go out on your own, explore life, be independent, have your own stash of money and be successful. Well what a surprise, it really happens rarely. At least achieving all these things at once. For all of you who did, please give us your secret formula!
You are expected a LOTS of things throughout life BUT that doesn`t mean you have to do them. Actually, DON`T do them.
After all, you are a creator of your life. Don`t get stuck in the stream of others, direct it the way you like it to be, and at that age, it`s a beautiful and empty canvas. That`s the first lesson I learned the hard way. I don`t have to do anything.
The point is, you move out, live in a rented apartment (alone or with your partner), you go to college or work and normally you are struggling like hell to survive. Rent is high, your paycheck not so much and then the sucky part starts. Having no money is not affecting you alone, it drags all those pretty little things along.
The fight begins- both literally and metaphorically. Both with yourself and with your partner. You can`t be happy and content if all of your earned money goes to rent and bills, you can`t buy yourself that nice dress anymore or that beautiful shoes you just saw at the mall. Or anything as a matter a fact.
Trust me, there is no better person to talk about this than myself.
I moved out with my boyfriend when I turned 18. And I was so happy! Wow, my life is starting! I`m an ADULT and I can do whatever I like, I can have friends over, go out every night and I don`t have to explain to anyone why my music is so loud.
Well, wasn`t I surprised?
We rented a small apartment in a family house, the landlord was my father`s friend. I don`t know how it wasn`t clear back then and right away that that`s a big effing trap!
Everything I did was reported right back. Even if it wasn`t your brain can`t possibly comprehend that this is A FAMILY house or a rented apartment with lots of creepy neighbors, and you can`t possibly party like an animal. Or listen to your music loud. Or lots and lots of things.
Even when we change apartment every single one of them had SOMETHING we didn`t like. If it`s not the neighbours trust me it`s the price. Or your grandma kind of furniture that smells accordingly to the age they came from.
After 10 years of being a sub-tenant, I returned back to my parent`s house.Alone.Defeated.
My grandma died after a long battle with the disease and my grandfather was left all by himself. I moved back to help him and to help myself. Few months before my grandma`s death I lost my job so I couldn`t afford to pay rent or bills anymore. It was a real tough situation and a beginning of a really long and hard period of my life.
I was so angry at myself, so ashamed and disgusted. I didn`t make it on my own. How could I look at my mother ever again? I was a failure. I cried for months in my room at grandpas.
„I`m 27, I can`t be living like this! I want to live by myself again! I can`t make it like this!No one can buy my inner peace!“
And guess what, no one really can`t. Living alone and experiencing life is a beautiful part of your new life, not so much for your pocket as for your mind and/or personal development. But back home doesn’t really suck so much either.
HEY, THIS IS NOT SO BAD AFTER ALL. OR IS IT?
I got myself a decent job in April and I realised I can actually stash my extra money for the first time in my adult life (since I don`t have to pay rent anymore) and buy myself everything I wanted in these 10 years and couldn`t afford!
Sure, living with your parents has it`s downs too, now imagine living with your grandparents AND parents together.Bad mood 24/7, AND you have to tiptoe everywhere around the house. No privacy, no relationships and oh so many questions.
I really tried hard to see the good sides of this and after the first few months, I learned how to turn things around for myself.
THIS IS AN ARTICLE ABOUT PROS – CONS ARE VERY WELL FAMILIAR.
– Apart from stashing money, you would probably spend on your rent you can also plan something you couldn`t when living alone. It can be something short-term like going to visit your friend from another city/country without having fear of leaving your apartment unattended or not turning your stove off when leaving. (Sounds like me)
– Of course you will help your mom clean the house but the only room you REALLY need to worry about is your room. And when you`re 30 your mom doesn`t really care anymore how your room looks.
-Most of the time your meals are just sitting there waiting for you to eat them. Already prepared. Warm .And this is a huge thing.
-Mom`s have stashes too! Stashes of all things doubled. You forgot to buy yourself a new toothbrush, toothpaste, floss, shower gel or shampoo? No worries, your mom surely has it.
– Cupboards and shelves are always full.
-As much as I love to be alone at times I found it comforting that there`s always something waiting for me back home. And at night, those strange noises you hear you can assure yourself are coming from the living room. Because mom is probably just watching tv….right??
– Your sheets, clothes, and towels smell LOVELY.
-If you’ve got a stain anywhere, Mum can get it out with her miracle solution. Or if you break something apart from your laptop, Dad’s here.
– You can finally style your old room the way you want to! I was so happy I get to buy new furniture and making things the way I`ve always imagined. Take your time planning everything, from colors to details, it`s really fun.
– You can always count on your parents and their help. Even if you spend all your stashed money on cocaine. Ok, probably not so much but you get the point.
In the end, if all things fail you can work patiently on your exit plan if you want to, and actually perfect it!
After all, your parents did the best they could. Help them and stay grateful for everything along the way.
I found this quote the other day and I want to share it with you because made me smile more than it should, perfectly describing current situation.
„The reason grandchildren and grandparents get along so well is because they have a common enemy.“